We all have experienced grief. Some people stay in it and wear it like a badge. Some people ignore it. Some people pass through it to the other side. I believe that there is no right or wrong way to deal with grief. We all just have to handle it.
I pass through it. I analyze every feeling. I try to feel it and let it go. I puzzle about it. I am not sure if there truly is a "we'll meet again" side to grief. I mostly just try not to let it control me.
Our cat, Manny, is gone. We loved that cat. There is no real closure, because he just is gone. We have no idea what happened. I have shed tears, raged, worried, and wondered. I have grieved.
He was the friendliest cat I ever had. He loved my husband to excess. He loved the rest of us almost as much. He has been so missed. He was part of a trio. Manny, Moe, and Jack. He was the adventurous one. He was the fearless leader. He was the king of shedders. He was one of a kind. He was loved.
I was "in a mood". It is over. I realized that almost everything that I was dealing with was just an issue with me. I had expectations.
I have often, jokingly, said that I need to lower my expectations . I now realize how true that is! I have done it. The expectations are lowered and the mood is much better. What a simple fix!
I know that this sounds like a downer, but think about it. I don't expect you to be my friend. If you are, that is grand. If not, okay. I don't expect you to want to do what I want to do. Control is overrated.
I don't expect anything from you, so imagine my delight when I get something! I can't fix anyone, I can only attempt to fix me.
Lowering my expectations has brought me more peace than I could have imagined. I have known, almost my entire life, that I am alone. I just forgot that for awhile. My soul got confused. I started to live in a dream world where I thought I could control things. WRONG! I forgot that we all have our own paths. I forgot that our paths cross and intermingle, but ultimately, we all have our own paths. I forgot that all I need to do is what I need to do. What I need to do is love. I finally remembered, God is love. We are love. I am here to love.
Someone once said, "love, even when you don't feel like it". I am striving to do that very thing.
