Really?

  I turned 60 with a really good attitude. We went on a cruise to the Caribbean and I rode a zip line in Labadee, Haiti. I drove a two man motorboat to a cove and snorkeled. I knew this decade was just fine, like the previous ones. What I did not count on was waking up everyday to some new pain! Aches and pains. Where did these come from? I work out three days a week. I walk. I eat pretty good. Is this the harbinger of "old age" rearing it's ugly head???
 Now I am 61.  Turning  61 made me realize that I am now IN my 60's. Young people look at me and see old. Most days, I don't feel old. I still deal with the aches and pains, daily. I think that might be just the way it is going to be.  My contemporaries are now dealing with "health issues" and  deadly diseases. I have lost a few friends over the years to cancer and heart attacks, but I always thought that they were the exception, you know, only the good die young kind of thing. Now, I wonder, am I next? How will I handle the inevitable? With grace or with crabbiness?
 Family. We still have three out of four parents. Is this our decade of loss? Mom in  law  was in the hospital this summer. For a few weeks it was the ER and the hospital. Once upon a time, I was a nurse. I am not sure that I want that job anymore. I am not sure I will ever get a choice. Take care of family. Period. I am flying back to the midwest a few times a year. Take care of family. Period. When I am done with all of this, will I still be able to take care of myself, or will that job fall on my daughter, like it is falling on me? Don't get me wrong, I love all of these people and I want to do my best for them. I just wonder what my best is going to have to be.
 Children. They are married and have their own lives and families. I remember the struggles well, but I want to do everything in my power to save them from the hard times. I know, you cannot save them without destroying them, but it is a hard dichotomy to live with.
I want to treat my children like the adults that they are. My father still wants to treat me like I am 17, which is the age when I left home and  he last really knew me. It is hard to change that dynamic. Does it come from fear or habit:? Is the way we treat our kids just all about control?
  Work. I just went to a family reunion where I was the only one in my 60's still working. All the others were retired by age, or disability. While I am not jealous, and I definitely don't want a disability, it makes me wonder if I will ever have a "retired life". I have been self employed for so long, that I just can't see how not to work. I guess, like most things, that will take care of itself through age or disease! My parents have been retired for 20 years. My in laws were retired longer than they worked. I understand that a life like that will never be mine, but I do fantasize on what it would be like.
  I want to age well. Some people in my life are aging badly. I hear that whatever you are like when you are young multiplies when you age. I am mostly calm, but a little aggressive and bitchy when I think I need to be. Will I age to really aggressive and bitchy? I sure hope not. Maybe in the hoping and the thinking about it, I can just mellow more. All I know is I have really learned  what I don't want to be when aging.
  Marriage. I love being married. My 30th anniversary was this year. It was a quiet affair. We are a couple of comfortable old shoes. We just fit. It seems we have always known that it was a life long relationship, so it just hasn't been hard.
We celebrated with a cruise to Alaska, one of my favorite places. We almost didn't get to go, because mom in law was in the hospital when we left. We called in the sister and headed out of town. I was pretty determined to leave, come what may. I know that is not the best side of me coming through there! No excuses. I just wanted it. I wanted the week on a ship and Alaska. Not so surprisingly, it worked out. These things usually do. I try not to resent the intrusion that "duty" brings to my life, but often, I am not so successful.
 Travel. I want to travel everywhere all the time. I just returned home from a trip and I am planning the next 4. I wonder if we can afford to go and I wonder what will happen if we don't do it while we can. So many people say they will travel when they retire, and then illness and age interferes and they say, " if only we had done it while we were young or healthy". Since we are probably not going to retire and I hate " if only", I guess I will just keep traveling. I think I am done with foreign travel, except for Canada. I want to see the USA. The dilemma is always time and money. I guess figuring that out is my favorite hobby. How will we make the time and how will we pay for it. ( How cheap can I be and still be comfortable.?)
 The gym. I love weight lifting. I have doing it on a regular basis for four years. The gym is old. The equipment is old. I am old. I guess that it is a good fit. I have the ultimate luxury, a personal trainer, who is also a friend. The work outs keep me happy. They keep me young. They make happy little endorphins dance in my head. No matter the stress in my life, I leave the gym happy.
That leads me to food. I love to cook and bake. (Which is one reason the gym is so essential!!!) When I am
sad, I bake. When I am happy, I bake.When I am frustrated, I bake. See a connection? I try to cook a good meal once a week. Most weeks, I succeed. I love the complicated meal that takes all day to prepare. I love to watch people eat good food.
Wine and Jack. . I never drank, except for some college experimenting, until I was 50. The doctor told me to drink red wine for my health and it has been a lovely adventure. I love a good Cabernet. My perfect evening is a good meal and a great bottle of wine with good friends. Jack and coke is my favorite drink for a social event where I need to talk to a lot of people I don't know. One drink and I lose my natural shyness.  Really, I am shy. I hate meeting new people.
 So, life in my 60's.....the adventure continues.