Control

Control.
The other day, my daughter called me and said," I am turning into you!". This is not the first time I have heard that from both of my children. Sometimes they tell me that they hear my voice in their head. I have not experienced that. I have spent my entire life trying not to be my parents. I love them. I love my mother more than my father, but that relationship has always been a work in progress.
I think it is about control. I want total control of everything all, of the time. Don't we all? The challenge is the release of control. I think that everything we do is about control. I believe fear is about control. I fear what I cannot control.
Why is my daughter saying that she is turning into me? Why does my son hear my voice in his head? Those comments come from me trying to teach them self control. Self control is the biggest part of control. It is the only part of my life I can control. I can control how I react and how I behave.
 I deal with the public everyday. I deal with family on a regular basis. I often witness people's reactions to fear and their lack of self control. Everyday I am faced with something to challenge me. How will I react? Mostly, I am good. Mostly, I am fearless and willing to relinquish control. Then, come the tests. I think, as I age, the tests just get harder. Maybe it is because time is getting shorter. Maybe it is because I am noticing them more.
The hardest tests seem to be with family. I guess it is because I believe that I was born into my family to learn and to balance my karma with them. The family I married into is probably the biggest test of all. The obligations of "in law" family are different. I feel, on some level, like they are not really my family and the same rules do not apply. Is there truth in this? I have no idea. I have decided, over the years, to just try to do my best and to respect that my husband loves his family. We decided, very early in our marriage, that we both had to be there for significant occasions. Everything else was a matter of choice. It has worked out well. I am better at controling my reactions and letting go with them.

Can I ever totally release the desire to control?
Will I ever master self control? Does anyone? Is that the definition of enlightenment?