Cruelty

I have a really hard time dealing with any and all kinds of cruelty. We had a couple of dogs at the end of our street for years that were always loose and outside in every kind of weather. They are both gone, now. First the brown one disappeared, now the black and white one is gone. I assume they are dead. I used to call animal control, just so they would get picked up and taken somewhere safe, where they were fed and warm. Now the house across the street from them have two dogs that they never let inside and have no dog house or shelter for them outside. At least the yard is fenced. I have not decided how to deal with that yet.
 I was raised with abuse. I have never decided if it was purposeful or cruel on the part of the abuser,  ( or a little of both) but it was cruel, none the less. I put off having children until I was in my 30's. I did not think I would ever have children. I knew, on some level, that there was a possibility that I would be a bad mother. When I was 29, I decided to confront my abuse issues. It took a lot of years, and I think it will never be totally done, but I did learn that I did not have to be an abusive person. (How much of abuse is just about control? Lack of Control?) It was sometimes challenging to stop the cycle, but I did not abuse my children.
 The side effect of being abused is the difficulty of confrontation. I am so much better at it, than I was. I am now able to confront anyone, but I am so shaky inside while I am doing it. Dealing with the cruel dog owners on the corner is going to be a planned confrontation. That is difficult, but not as hard as unplanned confrontation.
When I see people being cruel to their children, I watch carefully to make sure it is not just discipline. If it is over the top, I say something. That is a hard, but necessary thing. When I was in nursing, I had a terrible time working in pediatrics. When children or animals are in pain, I am a basket case. I am sure this is a result of my childhood ordeals. It is amazing to me that my son can work with stray animals. (He always loved all animals!)
  I often think I should volunteer in some organization that helps and rescues children. I am afraid of involvement in an organized way, because it might peel away another layer of  my psychology that I have to deal with. I have taken in a lot of kids over the years. Some for a very short amount of time, and some much longer. I feel that I helped rescue them in some way.
 I know that what does not kill you makes you stronger or crazy. I feel that it has made me very strong and only a little crazy.