Change

                                       Cora Easter Meadows

I hate change. I love change. Change is the unknown. Change always comes when you least expect it. Change comes when you seek it. Everyday I think about change. The economy is changing. My looks are changing. (That damn age thing.) Some days even my hair color changes. 

 I seek out change. I do and I don't want constant change in my life. I l want to travel. I want to stay home and do projects.  I want different foods. I want my old favorite foods.  I am always seeking to better myself, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I hate it when someone "moves my cheese".  I want to be active and I want to lay around and read.

In my youth, I moved a lot. I changed jobs.  I changed religions. I even changed husbands! I felt sorry for people who had routine lives. Obviously they were missing out. Keep moving. Keep changing. Experience everything.

 Go with the flow. Let go, let God. I am a product of the '60's. We were the harbingers of change. Some even called my generation the "four horsemen of the apocalypse" because of the radical changes that we brought about.

 The big changes in life are the most difficult. (Duh!) I look back at how I have responded to the big changes and I see a common thread. I eat.

 Loss of a loved one tops that list. The longer I live, the more people I have loved and lost. The more unexpected the loss, the harder it has been to flex with the change. I know on an intellectual level that death for everyone is inevitable, but on an emotional level, it is still hard to believe.

 I have been making a concerted effort to be flexible. It is not the change, it is how I react to it. Wow! The universe noticed and has thrown change at me nonstop. I really think I am flexible, until I have to flex. It is interesting to me how quickly my emotions react to even the smallest change. Fear and anger seem to be the most readily available responses. I guess it boils down to my old nemesis, control. If I cannot control the change, I am not sure that I want it. I am getting better and faster at positive responses, but I am sure not there.

 Another component of dealing with change, is the other people involved in the changing situation. They are dealing with their own version of change and their reaction to it. That really complicates my response. I try not to be bitchy. I try to be logical. I am trying harder to be kind and see life from all sides. I try to take the "high road".   

I notice that I often deal with change with humor. I am really good at self deprecating humor. The older I get, the more I am willing to mock myself.

 What I really know is that everything changes and I cannot control that. I remind myself to be patient. Things will change or they won't.  Change is ultimately good. Change makes me look at everything a little differently.

 My grandmother lived all of her life (99 years) in the same place. She never drove. She told me once that she was lucky to have seen so many changes. She lived through several wars. She lived before the invention of the car and then got to fly in airplanes. She said change is a blessing. 

 I am really blessed.